Posted by: dodgrblu | July 8, 2010

I Have An Active Fantasy Life These Days…

Matt Kemp Superhero Action Figure
Andre Ethier Superhero Action Figure

Men in tights!

Ah, July 8. The day is finally here. It’s…Andre Ethier Action Figure Night at Dodger Stadium!!!

I’d be doing the dance of joy if I didn’t have a broken foot. And if I lived fewer than 1,159 miles from Dodger Stadium.

But with this event in mind, I’ve been trying to convince Baby Vamp to blow this popsicle stand and run away with me to Dodger Stadium, so she could get (me) an Andre Ethier action figure of her (my) very own.

Hey, don’t judge me! I am not the world’s worst Mommy. I made her an incredibly sweet deal for that toy.

For starters, I promised I’d buy the special Value Pack they’ve been advertising on TV–four tickets, four Dodger Dogs, four soft drinks, and four Matt Kemp action figures. She could have a Dodger Dog in one chubby little fist and a Matt Kemp action figure in the other: I can see the drool now. (Bonus: we’d have an extra Matt Kemp to take home for Little Vamp. Am I a great Mom or what? Double bonus: An extra Dodger Dog for Mr. Vamp. A great wife, too. Oh yeah, I’m the total package.) I might even be convinced to sneak her a few sips of Diet Pepsi…

But wait, there’s more!

I promised her we’d hit Dodger Stadium again on Saturday for Photo Day. We’d pick her up a chic new onesie for the event. She’d get LOTS of attention, being a cute baby and all. (And, as the holder of the really cute baby, I’d get lots of really cool pictures. Wheeee!)

On Sunday, we’d head over to Anaheim and hit the All-Star Fan Fest. Again, it’s all about Baby Vamp: she’d get tons of attention. I even offered to tell people she was Steve Garvey’s daughter. That should be good for a few laughs, right?

Then Baby Vamp and I would spend Monday at the Home Run Derby, and Tuesday at the All Star Game. This would involve a lot of sun block for both of us, but it would be so worth it. I didn’t promise her any particular player would hit a home run for her: hey, I don’t promise what I can’t deliver. (Great Mom, remember?)

Then, the cherry on top: on Wednesday, we’d hit Disneyland!! A ride on the Dumbos; waiting in that ungodly long line to see the Disney Princesses®; heck, even a cruise through “It’s A Small World” (only once though—I know my limit). Whatever you want, Baby Vamp!

All this could be yours, Baby Vamp. Imagine it! We’d be just like Thelma and Louise! That is, if Louise was six months old and Thelma was her Mommy. And hopefully we wouldn’t end up dead at the bottom of a canyon at the end of the week. Hmm. Too creepy? Okay, forget the whole Thelma and Louise analogy.

How could Baby Vamp possibly refuse a trip of a lifetime like this?

Apparently, pretty easily.

Her response to each and every one of my plans was the same: “Nnnaaaah nnnnnaaaaah nnnnnnnnn.” Which I’m pretty sure means no. If we hooked her up to Herb Powell’s Baby Translator, it would probably say (in Danny Devito’s voice), “No way, Mom. Forget it. Little Vamp warned me that the only changing table on the lower seating level of Dodger Stadium is out in the concourse right next to the men’s room. And there’s NO way you are changing MY diaper in front of a bunch of drunken guys!”

Smart girl. I can’t argue with that.

So I said, “Screw it!” and preordered an Ethier action figure off some scalper on eBay.

It’s supposed to be in the mail Friday morning.

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