Posted by: dodgrblu | July 6, 2010

Curse You, Disney the Channel!

Little Vamp is addicted to two things: her Binky and the Disney Channel. (Well, there’s also her “Boo” (translation: blankie), but let’s ignore that for now.)

The Disney Channel addiction started after we took Little Vamp to Disneyland when she was 18 months old. Prior to that, she didn’t know Mickey Mouse or his cohorts and had no interest in watching them cavort on television. Some would say we should have nurtured her blissful ignorance. But we just had to let the genie out of the bottle. (She had already made the acquaintance of a couple of the Disney Princesses® before we went to Disneyland, though. I’m not quite sure how THAT happened.)

But our visit to Disneyland offered all the introduction she needed to Mickey and friends. After we got home, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse became her new favorite, leaving Elmo and his pals on Play With Me Sesame cold and alone in the unrelenting darkness of unplayed Tivo recordings. Every morning when she woke up, after she bellowed for Mommy and demanded milk, Little Vamp would invariably ask for “House.” (After a rather unfortunate misunderstanding, it quickly became clear she didn’t want to watch Hugh Laurie on FOX.)

Her tastes have evolved over time. She still likes “House,” but her list of favorites has expanded to include The Little Einsteins (be afraid, be VERY afraid) and The Imagination Movers (she has a “baby crush” on Rich–yeah, him and Manny Ramirez). She watches all of the shows in the “Playhouse Disney” block at one time or another. Fortunately, not every show is number one with a bullet: Special Agent Oso and Jungle Junction lacked staying power. (Thank God for small mercies. I don’t think I could get out of bed in the morning if I knew I had to face “Special” Agent Oso.)

But lately, Little Vamp has been all about Phineas and Ferb. This is actually okay with me. Phineas and Ferb is funny: sometimes hilariously so. (My personal favorite line, from Dr. Doofenshmirtz: “As they say in Mexico, Dosvedanya! Down there, that’s TWO vedanyas!” If you know Russian, this is pretty funny.) And as far as educational content–well, if not for Phineas and Ferb, how else would we (and everyone in the Tri-State Area) know the end of a shoelace was called an “aglet”?

I should mention though that not everything on Disney Channel is fair game for Little Vamp. Shows that are off-limits include Hannah Montana Wizards of Waverly Place, and any show featuring kids named Zack and Cody.

Little Vamp says, “When I get bigger, I watch dat.” Yeah, sweetie, Mommy sincerely hopes Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers are long gone to rehab (or wherever else all those Disney kids end up after they get too old for Disney–e.g., jail) by the time you’re old enough to watch those shows.

But Phineas and Ferb is where my current trouble with Disney begins. Apparently Disney Channel changed their schedule without proper notice to Tivo. Starting last week, Tivo recorded numerous programs identified as Phineas and Ferb. But what was really on the Tivo was NOT Phineas and Ferb but a bunch of THE FORBIDDEN SHOWS (dunnn dunnnn, duhhhhhh!). So, for the last week, I’ve repeatedly found myself frantically searching through these recordings trying to find Phineas and Ferb, while Little Vamp quivers and moans next to me like a junkie with a bag of China White and no syringe.

This leads directly to my other problem with the Disney Channel. While searching through the Tivo recordings, I’ve repeatedly been exposed to one of the most egregious cases of Bad Grammar Gone Wild that I’ve seen in a while. Apparently, the Jonas Brothers have a new song and video. The song is called (hold on, let me get this umm… “right”),

“L.A. Baby (Where Dreams Are Made Of).”

Yes, I typed that correctly. And, no, there is NOTHING right about the grammar in that title/lyric. Every time I see that video, it pushes me over the edge. (And it runs a lot. Hence, it has reached the point where I’m blogging about it.)

This could have easily been prevented. Drop the “of,” and add a comma after L.A.: voila–all fixed! “L.A., Baby (Where Dreams Are Made).” Yes, L.A. certainly is where the magic happens, baby.

Or maybe the brothers Jonas lost a fortune in the financial crisis? “L.A. Baby (Where Dreams are…MADOFF!!!)” What, too much of a stretch?

But all jokes aside, here’s the problem as I see it: the target demographic of pre-teen girls isn’t likely going to recognize that “where dreams are made of” is nonsensical, meaningless, and W-R-O-N-G. So usage like this could easily spread. (Be vigilant, middle school teachers everywhere!) No wonder we, as a nation, appear to be getting stupider, when we’re exposed to stupid flagrant mistakes like this during our formative years.

As a Disney shareholder, stupid little things like this make me mad. But as a holder of not-all-that-many Disney shares, I am powerless to do anything about it.

So, to paraphrase Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, “CURSE YOU, DISNEY THE CHANNEL!”

L.A. may be where dreams are made (of—grrrrrr!), but Burbank is apparently not where examples of good grammar are made. And for this, the folks at Disney should be ashamed.

Editor’s note: It has been correctly pointed out that iCarly is not on the Disney Channel. I apologize for attributing the production of what I’m sure is a very fine TV show to the fine folks at Disney.

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Responses

  1. First of all iCarly is not on Disney the Channel. It’s on Nickelodeon. Secondly, I fail to see why iCarly, Hannah Montanna, Wizards of Waverly Place, and The Suite Life of Zack and Cody (On Deck or not) are inappropriate while Phineas and Ferb are deemed okay. We enjoy all of these shows and yes, P&F is hilarious. It’s also pretty risqué and probally the most violent. Are you basing this ban on content or something else? Anyway. Thirdly, finally, and far far more importantly, I couldn’t believe the word was ‘where’. My vision isn’t the best and I squinted and squinted the first two times I saw this video. I KNEW I had to be misreading it. It couldn’t poissibly be “where dreams are made of”. Could it? It even made me question my understanding of english grammar, which is not perfect (is it English grammar or english grammar?), as I couldn’t believe they would release something so, almost absurdly, incorrect. Thanks for writing this blog. Happy Disney the Channel watching!


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